friendsthis week was actually kind of nice ... the best was on Thursday, after school ... Kristina and I went on top of this hill in L'Ameroux park just to spend time together ... we sat down, and she laid on my lap, looking up at me ... the sun was up and really shining down on us, it reflected off her brownish hair, and her light white skin ... the sun made her eyes look really hazel, and she was looking into my eyes with them ... it was really one of those romantic moments that makes life all the worth while to live for you know ...
anyways, on Thursday, it was also that end of the year mass, and we had to bless the graduates of that year ... that of course included Jayson, Viet and Rommel ... I was looking for them as the graduates were getting up to walk around and find their friends and say goodbye ... I caught sight of them and ran straight at them, then I gave them a huge bear hug ...
damn I'll miss those guys ... they're gonna be gone, like actually going to leave us ... they'll come back to visit once in a while, sure ... but it really isn't going to be the same ... Thursday was the first time I really actually thought about that ... and damn, I was like going to cry ... well not really, but the emotion of sudden realization that people in your life are going to leave you is pretty intense ...
I've never been touched by death before, thank god, but I know this experience was different ... because, their leaving from us is also a cause for celebration ... I remember when I found out that they were all accepted to McMasters, it's really sweet knowing those guys are gonna spend another four years together ... they're taking the next major step of life together, and they're really gonna be life long friends ... that's worth celebrating, but the thought that they're going to leave us here in Mary Ward, is also sad ...
now it makes me think, how much I appreciate them ... like, I really do, even though I haven't been spending as much time with them as I used to, because of homework and a girlfriend ... but I really do appreciate them as friends ...
in the future, when I look back to my memories of high school, I don't want to regret not telling them how much they mean to me ... I guess I'm comparing to death a bit too much, but when some one leaves us, we all begin to regret not letting them know how much they really mean to us ... so I guess I really am worried about not letting them know how I feel ...
I've only begun to get really close with them this year, and I'm still not as close enough to them as I could be and want to ... even Jason, who only got here this year, is a lot closer to them than I am ...
to be honest, the only reason I know them is through Jeff, and the only reason I hang out with them so much is because of debate ... but like I said before, when people start to spend a lot of time together, there begins to grow this mold between them ... like when you leave something by itself for a while, it starts to grow a mold right? ... well, this mold that grows between people brings them really close to each other ... and even though I haven't spent enough time with those guys really, that mold has begun to grow, and it's having its effects on me ...
I guess what I'm afraid of, is not acknowledging to them that this mold has grown between us, and then when they leave me, all that I will have left is this residue of mold clinging on to me ... a reminder of a friendship that I almost took for granted ...
but I don't take them for granted ... ever since last year, I've been telling everyone that my friends were probably the most important things to me ... and yes, my parents and teachers kept telling me that my priorities were misaligned, but I don't care ... my friends really are important to me, and if I don't let them know that again, I'll loose them ...
so, if you guys read this ... be you the new bonds I have grown, like with Viet, Jayson and Jason ... or old bonds that I might have lost, like Lisa, Ana, Ming, Jen p. ... or strong bonds that I still have, like with Jeff and Rommel ... I want you to know that I really, really do care about all of you ...
hmm, I just noticed that there were a lot of people being left out in that previous list ... however, even though there are many unmentioned individuals that I have to acknowledge, I don't want to run the risk of having this sound like an AA shout-out section ... whoever I didn't mention, just know that I still think about you when I pause to reflect on the past ...
